When you work together to face obstacles together staying strong as a couple is possible. Agree to follow a common course of action even though you may not be in complete agreement. Weather dating or married all couples face adversity, of this I speak first hand. My  husband  and  I  will  be  celebrate  our  thirty-­‐fourth  wedding   anniversary  this  April.  Together my husband faced prejudice, familial estrangement, unemployment, and the premature births of six children with consequences that remain today and the death of a daughter, parents, siblings and pets. It appears that just when things seem to be leveling out and will ride smoothly for a while, fate steps in to make everyone work harder.    

When  I  played  house  as  a  child,  pretend  did  not  include  two  children  that   spend  their  entire  lifetime  unable  to  talk  or  walk.  Pretend  did  not  include  my   parents  and  siblings  not  speaking  to  me  because  my  husband  is  not  white.  Pretend   did  not  include  the  death  of  our  first-­‐born  daughter  or  the  miscarriage  of  triplets   and  two  sets  of  twins.  Pretend  did  not  include  my  husband  needing  to  work  two  jobs   because  the  IRS  takes  an  entire  salary  as  theirs,  as  if  one  of  our  child.  Pretend  did   not  include  the  loss  of  family  and  support  over  the  choice  of  a  mate.    Darrell  and  I   had  to  find  these  things  out  on  our  own.            

Stress  can  poison  any  relationship,  even  those  founded  in  friendship.  We   insist  everyone  with  whom  we  interact  be  respectful.  Sir  or  ma’am  addresses   everyone  including  children,  grandchildren  and  pets.  Darrell  and  I  have  successfully   managed  to  work  together  and  are  pleased  our  progeny  have  learned  to  do  so.  “I   can’t  should  be  removed  from  every  language,”  has  become  a  mantra  that  keeps  the   family  on  track.    Those  who  can  help  those  who  can’t,  all  must  work  together.  We   don’t  go  to  bed  angry.            

Staying  strong  as  a  couple  is  possible  as  long  as  the  couple  is  willing  to  do   the  work  necessary  to  achieve  common  goals.    Enter  a  relationship  with  realistic   expectations.    Expect  hard  times.    Expect  to  have  so  standalone  at  times.    Expect   that  illness  or  a  lack  of  funding  may  occur,  then  make  three  plans  of  action.     When  you  have  plans  in  place  the  stress  that  can  break  a  relationship  is  less.  If   one  plan  does  not  work,  another  will.  There  is  strength  with  a  plan  in  hand.   Darrell  and  I  have  practiced  in  psychiatry  for  thirty  years  and  have  worked  with   many  families  that  are  broken.    What  they  have  in  common  is  a  high  levels  of   stress  caused  by  the  lack  of  education  and  the  lack  of  self-­‐respect.